This class has changed a lot for me. That very first day (seems like so long ago, even though it’s really only been a couple months) as we went over the syllabus, I was both intrigued and terrified. I was so excited to have Suzanne as a professor after all the good things I’d heard (literally the one piece of advice I’ve gotten the most since transferring to Otterbein in December of 2010 has been “TAKE ALL OF TAMMY BIRK AND SUZANNE ASHWORTH’S CLASSES. SERIOUSLY.”), but I was also nervous about the class in general, as I tend to be about most classes I take these days.
Most people would never guess by looking at me, but I’m twenty four years old. I graduated high school in 2005 and, even though I’ve always been a bit of a late bloomer, I went straight into college because I wanted to do what everyone my age else was doing. I went to a small (VERY small) school, Holy Cross College in South Bend, Indiana. I ended up changing my major three times while I was there (from psychology to business to liberal arts) and finally, after being there almost a full 4 years, I hated the school, the professors, the curriculum, everything, and basically said GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE. I transferred to Otterbein because it’s close to home and also happens to be my mother’s Alma Mater, and I decided this time around, I’d be an English major. Since I was a tiny kid, I’ve always read voraciously. It’s one of my greatest passions. I also enjoy, and seem to be pretty good at writing. I may not love the process of writing school essays, but I’m usually pretty good at it and, if I’m being honest, though I’m a slow writer, I actually find the process of putting a paper together quite fun at times. Anyway, I decided English would be a good option; it’s something I enjoy, something I knew I could do. However, I find that even though I love to read and I know I’m a relatively intelligent human being, more often than not in my classes I feel like a complete moron.
My first fear was the blog assignment. Whereas so many of my fellow students are able to formulate incredible responses and thoughts both in class and in their writing, I struggle to come up with meaningful thoughts and key points in my readings and sometimes I really have no idea how some people are able to make sense of the things they do. I also just suck at remembering to do a weekly assignment. I’ve never been very good at keeping a journal and after being in school so long I feel so worn down by it at times that I just get a little lazy. Anyway, my fear and dislike of the blog assignment became a self-fulfilling prophecy and as I reflect on this quarter, I can say without question that’s my greatest regret. If I had it to do over again, I would take it more seriously, not only for the sake of my grade, which I’ve accepted won’t be great, but also for my own benefit –both educational and personal.
Even with my mishaps, this class has proven to be an incredible learning experience for me. Upon reading Walt Whitman’s “Song of Myself,” I came across a particularly powerful quotation that really spoke to me:
“What is known I strip away,
I launch all men and women forward with me into the Unknown.”
I launch all men and women forward with me into the Unknown.”
I think what makes it so powerful is that, this is exactly how I feel all the time. This basically sums up my thoughts on college, on changing majors, on every single class I’ve ever walked into. Not only that, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to make it my life’s motto because it speaks to the creation of every single new chapter in the book that makes up a human life. What Whitman means is there is no simple answer. To anything. With every new life choice, every new class, every new experience, I’m launching forward into the unknown. One of the things I love most about English, is that, for the most part, it’s completely subjective. There’s no yes or no, no single correct answer. With every book, every piece of writing, you go hurtling into the unknown, completely free to draw your own conclusions.
That first day of class, all of us were “launched forward into the unknown,” and I wasn’t quite sure where exactly the unknown would take me. Reflecting back on the class, I think one of my favorite aspects was the use of contemporary and cultural connections. This isn’t a common teaching method in most English classes in my experience, and it completely blew me away. Drawing connections between Lost and the beginnings of America or between Fight Club and In the Heart of the Sea, supplementing our understanding of The Scarlet Letter with the modernized version Easy A –all these things really enhanced my learning experience and a whole different dimension to the class for me.
I also have this class to thank for introducing me to the brilliance that is Stephen Asma. I’m most definitely putting a lot of his works at the top of my summer reading list. I loved the reading we did in class from his book On Monsters and the talk he gave was legitimately enthralling. I never go to class-required speakers expecting to be wowed, but this time I was proven wrong. I was literally captivated, both by his personal story and his discussions about Buddhism and monsters. And not only did I find the information incredibly fascinating, but it also gave me some interesting insights and starting points for making connections in all my classes.
I can honestly say that I was able to make some connections and draw some conclusions in my other classes that I never would have come to if it weren’t for this class. I can wholeheartedly say that I’ve enjoyed this class and come away feeling a lot more educated. Though I screwed up and didn’t take things quite as seriously as I should have, would have in retrospect, I feel like I’ve come away from this class with valuable insights and I’m definitely changed for the better because of it. No one is perfect, I’ll never claim to be and I’ll never even try to be. I won’t always earn the best grade or make the best choices. I’ve screwed up many times in my life, and I know I’ll continue to until the day I die. But that’s the beauty of life –we’re constantly being launched into the unknown. I much rather screw up all the time than live a dull, uneventful life. I don’t want that story. I don’t want Anne Sexton’s Cinderella story, where
Cinderella and the prince
lived, they say, happily ever after,
like two dolls in a museum case
never bothered by diapers or dust,
never arguing over the timing of an egg,
never telling the same story twice,
never getting a middle-aged spread,
their darling smiles pasted on for eternity.
Regular Bobbsey Twins.
That story.
I’m not looking for boring perfection. I don’t want to live my life behind a glass case. I want my story to be messy and exciting and ever-changing. Here and now, I’m launching myself into the unknown, and I’m fully prepared to go wherever it takes me.
